lotte's
space :3

three days ago was the 17th of may! we celebrate that in norway because thats when a bunch of guys wrote a thing

i usually havent done much on the 17th of may because ive usually been isolated and not had many people near me to spend it with so its felt a little pointless to do anything. but now i have lots of friends who live close to me!! so i had plans for the whole day basically, from 8am to 2am!

8am was a breakfast at the rock venue i volunteer at. buuut i overslept so i missed it... i was soo heartbroken when i woke up at like 10am and realized i had missed it!!!! but luckily there were other plans, so it wasnt too bad!

at noon until like 8pm i had lunch and partied with a bunch of friends. everyone brought food so there was lots of delicious food and dessert to eat! i had this big black umbrella because i thought it would fit my cool black dress really well but it turned out to be smart because the sun was so strong it was nice to have some shade. other people kept coming under my umbrella too or borrowing it just to get some shade. i got lots of compliments on my look which makes me really wish i could go all-out on makeup every day without running out way too quickly!!!

at 9pm was a party at that rock venue i volunteer at! the 17th of may is also the birthday of the rock venue so its like a big event where they have like different prizes they hand out and stuff. and then we had a parade at midnight where we were the worst neighbours and just made as much noise as humanly possible while walking through the streets. it was fun.

AND THEN i got home at like 2am and the fire alarm in the student housing where i live had gone off which was great because that meant all my friends who live in that block were already outside and i got to talk to them for like an hour or two while i was still really drunk.

i finally hiked up a mountain again! and it made me remember holy shit this is like the best thing in the world theres literally nothing better than walking upwards why have i not been doing this every week??? i am posting this like 2 weeks after this hike and ive gone on one more hike since then, but didnt really take any photos on that one. i actually almost didnt even think to bring my camera to this hike but luckily a friend was like "oh you should bring your camera!" because like ive been talking so much about how i need to take photos more often and somehow i didnt put two and two together and think of bringing the camera on my own??

the hike was soo exhausting! this mountain has like the worst stairs i have ever used in my life. they spent like over a million dollars on it can u believe it. got straight up scammed. anyways. good hike!! i am definitely gonna go on another soon and bring my camera again!!! just have to find a time where i am NOT extremely stressed with exams... (i have an exam in... like 32 hours.) but at the same time my toxic trait is that any time im stressed about an exam i start thinking about this website again and THATS when i start posting and making improvements to it again. ive been thinking about ways to make posting more easier so i'll stop using tumblr for all my silly small posts but i have some things i havent figured out yet there (i could really easy make like a post editor for myself that could let me easily make a post from my phone, but uploading images without having access to my computer would be harder...) BUT now is NOT the time for that!!! i have to lock in and do the exams stuff!!!!!!

oh, and heres a little bonus picture. i took this one on my phone which has a completely fucked camera that makes it look way more moody and mysterious...

almost kinda wish i took a few more pictures with it!

whats uppp. i realllyyy wanna update this blog more often!! blogging is sooo hard its so hard to be me

last time i did like an update post was like 2 months ago. stuff's happened since then probably! who knows what... in this blog post, you and i will endeavour to remember my past. together. you're helping.

reading

i've started reading recently!!! i figured if i could get into watching movies after a long time of not being able to, then maybe i can get into reading also cuz thats a thing ive always wanted to do more!! "ok but what have you read" you ask? ummm

nevada

i read nevada! throughout most of my reading it i kinda thought i was gonna finish it thinking it was an ok book. but like the ending made me appreciate the book so much more and what it was going for. honestly a great book.

house of leaves

ive been reading house of leaves!! im at like page 150 rn and im really enjoying it although its been a couple of weeks since i last read any of it. def gotta read more at some point! im realizing i really dont know how to talk about book im reading beyond like "wow its great!!" because im like illiterate or something. but like i fucking love the format of house of leaves and i love how its like slowly building up and woawww

the blind owl

this one was recommended to me by a friend!! i have basically only read the translator's notes so far so like i am not capable of having a very formed opinion on this book. but im excited to read it!

listening

ok this is the hard one. its been 2 months!! ive listened to lots of stuff!!!!

as im writing this im listening to monarch of monsters by vylet pony for the first time!! really really good album how did i not find out about it sooner!!!!

been listening to a lot of men i trust and many rooms also lately. many rooms is like PERFECT music for any time i am Chilling. great music while high also imo

oh wait also femtanyl!!! thats also in the last 2 months. had a couple of weeks where i just listened to femtanyl non-stopp. really really love DOGMATICA, attacking vertical, and LOVESICK, CANNIBAL!. a lot of bangers in there!!! i also watched a movie solely because it was sampled in attacking vertical (u can read my review of that movie here)

oh oh oh and acloudyskye! acloudyskye is an artist i actually discovered like ages ago because of beat saber and i'd been meaning to get into their music for agessss but never got around to it! my fav album by far is What Do You Want!
Thief! on that album is soo good

other stuff??

idk theres other stuff too but idk how to categorize it! its hardd to recall what happened in the past and decide which things are worth mentioning

i have been making a lot of friends in my area lately! used to be sort of an unhappy isolated husk of a person but going out more and meeting more people has been soo great for me. i have my downs still but it helps with friends. its also a great change of pace to not always feel like im hopelessly dependent on like one singular person and if they ever stop talking to me my world will crumble

went to my first volunteer party at the cave a couple of days ago also! mayy have ended up drinking way too much at the preparty and getting sent home in a taxi after a couple of hours... but its ok! life is a series of lessons. this time the lesson was "dont drink an entire bottle of prosecco even though its yummy"
that was my first time being drunk also. it was fun even though i was probably a bother to everyone around me lmao

start of this uni semester has been a little bit rocky, which is usual. but i think ive got control of things now! struggled hard with the first batch of assignments but now i think my groups are a little more established so we'll be able to get started on the next assignments easier. this semester i've got two courses, one about like distributed systems and networking and one about like c++, c#, and .net. i think it'll go ok!! next two semesters will be my bachelor and then i'll be done.. finally!!!

hello!! can u believe christmas is just a week away? i cant!!

im constantly in an existential crisis about how i should use my own blog. how often is too often to post? what should i post about?? idk!! heres what ive been up to lately. thats something i can definitely post about

movies

ive been getting really into movies lately. i used to hate movies. they felt too long and simultaneously too short to actually tell a whole story. it felt like i needed like a show thatd take me 6 months to finish in order to feel like i could actually get into the story. now im starting to feel the opposite! i cant handle long shows right now. i think its been really nice to just end a day with a movie. i dont have to commit to watching like 40 hours of a show to get the whole story, i can just sit down and see an entire story in 2 hours. and theres some really good movies out there!!! i feel like i used to not watch very good movies, but im really enjoying learning what i appreciate in a movie and discovering new directors. currently im really into the work of hirokazu kore-eda. two of his movies ive seen are after life and still walking. still walking was such a wonderful movie.

but because ive been making movie-watching into like a daily pasttime its made me unsure how i wanna deal with it on my blog!! it feels so spammy to make a new post every day about every movie i saw, which is what i wouldve been doing this week, because every movie i saw this week was like incredible and i had so many thoughts on all of them. im thinking of maybe making reviews of stuff ive seen into a separate thing on my website... probably with its own rss feed. i did also make a letterboxd, and i might continue to post there too, but i do really prefer having this stuff in my own little space on the internet. i think i will take some inspiration from letterboxd though, when i add a movie section to my website. i really like letterboxd's movie diary thing. i want it here.

-- oops i did this while writing this blog post. i have a page now for reviews of stuff ive watched!! /watching!! go check it out :3
i also have a little thing on the front page that shows my three recently watched movies. yayyyy

volunteering at a cave

i started volunteering at a cool local rock venue thats in a literal cave. thats been really cool!!! theres so many cool people there. every time i volunteer there at least one random person comes up to me and compliments me on my makeup which is a hugee confidence boost.

theres not much more to say about it. i like the cave. i thrive in the cave. i yearn for the cave. etc. etc. etc.

trying to use social media

ive been betraying my whole "refusing to use social media" thing lately. but this has also strangely coincided with feeling way more stressed every day!!! i started using mastodon more regularly recently because i wanted to see what ppl i dont hear from anymore since cohost shut down are up to. tried using bluesky too but that website is impossible for me. idk. i dont really like using social media websites!! ive been finding myself clicking these little apps obsessively way more than i'd like to and it does not really improve my day much. i do like seeing what some of the cool people i follow are up to, but most of it feels like noise to me.

i think a big problem for me is that ive changed in a way that just makes me not vibe with scrolling any platform regularly anymore. when i was so isolated from everything around me in the real world, and the internet was my only possible refuge for any sort of social interaction, i Needed social media. now its like, i'd rather just meet people in real life. as im slowly growing more confident in my own skin and finding spaces where i can be myself in the real world, i just dont want to spend much of my energy on-line. social media platforms always feel like they require too much of my energy now.

other stuff

i also had exams!! that shit went so fucking bad.

ive been getting into noita again lately and just had the best run yet!!

i got to The Vault for the first time which is way further than usual! usually i die two levels earlier at hiisi base. it was my first time not dying instantly at the jungle!

i had an awesome wand setup. i had a double shotgun thing going on, where i had two spells that shoot like a shotgun blast, and a thing that made it so that i'd fire both of those spells at once. and then when it got really crazy was when i added another spell that made it so that enemies i hit get like absolutely fucked by an endless barrage of lightning explosions. i literally killed everything in one hit, the only drawback was that i could only do the lightning explosion thing 20 times per level. when i got to The Vault i decided to remove the lightning explosion from my shotgun and put it on a different wand and i think this is the decision that killed me. if i had stuck with my awesome lightning explosion double shotgun i think i would've remained unstoppable.

noita is fun!

i went to a trans cafe meetup today! well actually yesterday. it was cool! i got to speak to some cool ppl, and it was nice being in a space with so many people that were all trans. it felt safe. i'll definitely be going next time too!

but actually this is just an excuse to post another selfie because i am kind of self-obsessed lately.

my confidence has been good lately! and ive been perfecting my makeup technique more and more. i can do a cool look in like 10 minutes now!! i think its awesome how much better ive gotten at it in like the less than 2 weeks ive been doing my makeup daily. im proud of myself!

in other news my laptop charger is 100% kaputt now. bummer! but the positive thing is that i dont spend any time in bed now, so i dont have as big of a need for the laptop.. it is kind of inconvenient for uni, but theres barely any lectures lately anyways cuz we're entering exam preparation period. oh god i have to prepare for exams... i think i'll be fine, exam-wise, but its always scary

also here's some other stuff i've been up to because i feel like writing about it now:

• i started exercising recently! ive not been happy with my health for quite some time. i miss being able to go up mountains on a whim without breaking a sweat, and i decided to finally do something about it by exercising regularly! its been good
• im trying to get good at sleeping. my psychologist does warn me that its usually harder for autistic ppl to get normal sleep patterns tho.. so we'll see how that goes
• also, i have an autism diagnosis apparently? this is a long story, but i always thought my diagnosis was "Unspecified Developmental Disorder" or something for reasons that are complicated and silly, so like even tho i knew i am autistic, i thought i didnt have an official diagnosis. but at some point i guess it changed into being an actual autism diagnosis? (well, actually "asperger's syndrome", but under newer diagnostic criteria that we havent adopted yet that would be "autism spectrum disorder" instead)
• speaking of autism, i started reading unmasking autism! i heard really good things about this book. i borrowed it from the library. i also borrowed different, not less from the library. i have to read both of them before the end of the month! oops, maybe i shouldnt have borrowed both at once!!!
• ive been playing extreme amounts of dead by daylight. whenever i play killer, ive been playing pinhead. i love that guy